Table 12

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We've all encountered database tables that look like this:

  ID    Data
  ----- --------------------------------------------
  00001 TRUE, FALSE, FILE_NOT_FOUND
  00002 MALE|FEMALE|TRANS|EUNUCH|OTHER|M|Q|female|Female|male|Male|$
  00003 <?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?><item id="1234"><name "Widget"/>...</item>
  00004 1234|Fred,Lena,Dana||||||||||||1.3DEp42|

The Nuclear Option

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About a decade ago, Gerald worked at a European nuclear plant. There was a “minor” issue where a controller connected to a high-voltage power supply would start missing out on status messages. “Minor”, because it didn’t really pose a risk to life and limb- but still, any malfunction with a controller attached to a high-voltage power supply in a nuclear power plant needs to be addressed.

So Gerald went off and got the code. It was on a file share, in a file called final.zip. Or, wait, was it in the file called real-final.zip? Or installed.zip? Or, finalnew.zip?


The Logs Don't Lie

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She'd resisted the call for years. As a senior developer, Makoto knew how the story ended: one day, she'd be drafted into the ranks of the manager, forswearing her true love webdev. When her boss was sacked unexpectedly, mere weeks after the most senior dev quit, she looked around and realized she was holding the short straw. She was the most senior. This is her story.


This or That

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Processing financial transactions is not the kind of software you want to make mistakes in. If something is supposed to happen, it is definitely supposed to happen. Not partially happen. Not maybe happen.

Thus, a company like Charles R’s uses a vendor-supplied accounting package. That vendor has a professional services team, so when the behavior needs to be customized, Charles’s company outsources that development to the vendor.


No Thanks Necessary

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"I guess we're not allowed to thank the postal carriers?!" Brian writes.


Finding the Lowest Value

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Max’s team moved into a new office, which brought with it the low-walled, “bee-hive” style cubicle partitions. Their project manager cheerfully explained that the new space “would optimize collaboration”, which in practice meant that every random conversation between any two developers turned into a work-stopping distraction for everyone else.

That, of course, wasn’t the only change their project manager instituted. The company had been around for a bit, and their original application architecture was a Java-based web application. At some point, someone added a little JavaScript to the front end. Then a bit more. This eventually segregated the team into two clear roles: back-end Java developers, and front-end JavaScript developers.

An open pit copper mine

A Pre-Packaged Date

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Microsoft’s SQL Server Integration Services is an ETL tool that attempts to mix visual programming (for designing data flows) with the reality that at some point, you’re just going to need to write some code. Your typical SSIS package starts as a straightforward process that quickly turns into a sprawling mix of spaghetti-fied .NET code, T-SQL stored procedures, and developer tears.

TJ L. inherited an SSIS package. This particular package contained a step where a C# sub-module needed to pass a date (but not a date-time) to the database. Now, this could be done easily by using C#’s date-handling objects, or even in the database by simply using the DATE type, instead of the DATETIME type.


The Little Red Button

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Bryan T. had worked for decades to amass the skills, expertise and experience to be a true architect, but never quite made the leap. Finally, he got a huge opportunity in the form of an interview with a Silicon Valley semi-conductor firm project manager who was looking for a consultant to do just that. The discussions revolved around an application that three developers couldn't get functioning correctly in six months, and Bryan was to be the man to reign it in and make it work; he was lured with the promise of having complete control of the software.

The ZF-1 pod weapon system from the Fifth Element

Upon starting and spelunking through the code-base, Bryan discovered the degree of total failure that caused them to yield complete control to him. It was your typical hodgepodge of code slapped together with anti-patterns, snippets of patterns claiming to be the real deal, and the usual Assortment-o-WTF™ we've all come to expect.


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